


James v. James

by MagpieWords



Series: AUgust 2020 - Magpiewords [15]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lawyers, But still kind of enemies, Comedy, Drinking, Enemies to Friends, Mostly just a lot of banter, Professional Rivals, Slash if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26067304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpieWords/pseuds/MagpieWords
Summary: James Rhodes is one of the best intellectual property lawyers in the world. Unfortunately, James Barnes is too.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark
Series: AUgust 2020 - Magpiewords [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860265
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3
Collections: AUgust 2020





	James v. James

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in the same universe as my Treasure Hunter Tony Stark AU, but can be read independently.
> 
> also, please let the record state that I know very little about how being a lawyer works, but the intricacies of the legal system are far less relevant to this fic than the pettiness of two rivals and the fact that Tony Stark just wanted a nice dinner with his Rhodey.

James Rhodes was regularly thankful that time travel did not exist. Aside from the fear of having to defend a fragile spacetime continuum, he was fairly certain that if someone went back in time and told him what his life would become, he would have laughed rudely in their face. He tried his best not to be rude when possible.

James Barnes made that effort increasingly more difficult than possible. The man was a talented lawyer, that much was obvious, but that didn’t make him anything less than absolutely insufferable. At the end of the day, it wasn’t a crime to be rude to him; he certainly gave it back as good as he got.

So if someone had gone back in time, to when James Rhodes was fresh faced at MIT and told him he’d leave behind engineering to become an intellectual property rights lawyer, that was already outside the scope of his belief. If they had told him all that _and_ the fact that he’d have a rival like something out of Looney Toons? He’d have laughed rather rudely.

There are days when he talks about it with Tony and he still ends up laughing.

Today was going to be one of those days, Rhodes was sure. He wasn’t even working for Stark’s endeavors, yet he and Barnes found themselves on opposite sides of the court. 

“What are you doing here?” He whispered as they sat after the judge had begun the proceedings.

“Could ask you the same thing,” Barnes said and Rhodes rolled his eyes. He was always so defensive, as if Rhodes had any need or desire to steal his case plans. A good lawyer hardly needed to sink so low. Rhodes simply always had a better plan than Barnes did; he always won fair and square.

“No seriously, I’ve never seen you work a creative litigation before. What gives?”

“What, think I’m not good enough for it?” Barnes had yet to look at Rhodes, keeping his gaze forward, so Rhodes sighed and finally did the same. He wasn’t even sure how this rivalry started– it seemed born out of the Stark-Rogers conflict, but that didn’t mean he and Barnes had to act like this on unrelated cases.

Rhodes was, of course, more than happy to act like this on cases where Tony was involved. That wasn’t the point though. They could be civil on other jobs.

“I just assumed you were Rogers’ lapdog. Can’t remember the last time you were on a case that didn’t involve him.”

He could practically hear Barnes grind his teeth, but the dig evidently had not earned a reply. Rhodes would have to try harder.

“I figured anything that wasn’t for truth, justice, and the American way wasn’t good enough for you.”

That worked a shocked laugh out of Barnes, loud enough to interrupt the judge. “Mr. Barnes, is something about the allegation humorous to you?”

“Your honor, I just can’t imagine any sensible person, as I know our jury is composed of, would take the limiting of creative expression as anything other than a joke.” He stood from his seat and Rhodes cursed to every ancient deity Tony had ever told him about. “And I believe our very sensible jury understands the importance of such a hilarious case. This is the first trial in the state of New York to–”

“Please hold your opening remarks, Mr. Barnes.” The judge said and Barnes immediately sat back down.

“How’s that for truth and justice, copyright narc?” He hissed, leaning across the aisle like Rhodes had been just a moment ago. And just like how Barnes had been, Rhodes refused to turn and acknowledge the effort.

“I find it hilarious that you think the jury is going to be swayed by your blatant flattery. It has nothing to do with this case.”

“Blatant flattery worked in the _Rogers v. New Mexico_ case two years ago.” Barnes sat back, nearly tilting his chair onto two legs, intolerably smug. That case had been such a mess.

“That’s not how you should win a lawsuit, you prick–” He started to explain, but his words were lost to the judge’s gavel. Opening remarks went just as annoyingly as Rhodes feared, but he steadied himself. This wouldn’t be like the New Mexico case. Or the _Stark v. Cambridge Trustees_ case last year, or the _Stark v. Rogers_ case three months back. Rhodes had won the other fourteen variants of _Stark v. Rogers_ cases except that most recent one. If he was petty enough to keep score, (which he was not, because Tony kept score for him) he knew the odds were in favor of his win. This case was in the bag.

And he told Tony as much when they got drinks that evening after the final bang of the judge’s gavel. “The case should have been in the bag! The replicated comic was absolutely not covered under parody law, I cannot believe that Barnes used that nonsense!”

Tony flagged down the waiter, ordering another round of drinks for the both of them. “He’s a wily one, that Barnes.”

“Wily and rude! And unprofessional! And–” Rhodes paused to drink the rest of his manhattan. “And rude! Did I already say rude?”

“You did, but you can say it again, it’s twice as true.”

“Truth and justice, right Rhodes?” He hadn’t heard the approach of an overpriced pair of oxfords, accompanied by mud covered boots, which was actually surprising because Rogers and Barnes were anything but subtle in their approaches.

“My client will be taking this to appeals.”

“I know they will,” Barnes said, dragging a chair over and sitting next to Tony, who looked as affronted as Rhodes felt. “And I look forward to watching your face when I mop the floor with you again.”

“What about a 4-3 vote says mopping the floor to you? Did NYU really let you get a law degree without checking that you knew math?”

“Alright alright,” Rogers said, dragging over his own chair and sitting next to Rhodes. “There’s no need to fight and ruin a nice dinner.”

“A nice dinner which I do not believe you were invited to,” Tony pointed out. Rogers only shrugged. “Rhodey, you want to go somewhere else?”

“No, no, let’s have dinner with ‘em, Tones. Might be fun.” Tony looked at him like Rhodes had suggested they burn his tenure offer, but didn’t say anything.

The waiter returned, dropping off another set of drinks for Tony and Rhodes, while the group of them ordered their food. Rhodes stopped the man just as he was about to walk away. “And can we get eight shots of Grey Goose? For the table.”

The waiter cast one look about them, shrugged, and wrote down the order before leaving. The shark-like grin Barnes gave once the waiter was gone made Rhodes wonder if this was perhaps a bad idea. Given the panicked look he got from Tony, it might be.

“Fancy a little competition, Rhodes? Or are you just being your usual generous self?”

“Need I remind you which half of this table allowed the other to join?” Tony grumbled, but neither of the lawyers could give him much attention right now.

“Mr. Barnes, it’s been a long day for both of us. No competition needed, I’m just curious if you hold your liquor as well as you held your patience in the Anglo-Italian dispute last spring.”

Barnes thumbed his metal fist on the table, causing Tony’s drink to tip over.

“Are you kidding me?” Tony grumbled, hands flying up to avoid staining the expensive sleeves of his suit while Barnes started ranting.

“That was a losing case from the start, you arrogant vulture. You weren’t even supposed to be on the defense for that! You stepped in because you knew you would win!”

“Maybe so,” Rhodes said above the rim of his own drink, halfway through a sip before the glass was taken from his fingers and Tony finished the rest of it for him.

The food was a pleasant distraction when it arrived, though that quiet that fell over the table only lasted until the tray of shot glasses was brought out.

“Sir,” Rogers said, taking one off the tray for himself. “You’re going to need to get about four more of these.”

“I’m sorry, are you paying for this dinner?” Tony groused, but Rogers only shrugged again. He passed Tony a shot, which went unaccepted until Rhodes plucked it from his grasp and dumped it into Tony’s martini glass.

He and Barnes then reached for the glasses at the center of the table, eye contact heated for a moment, before taking the shots together. Barnes slammed his glass down, rattling the table again and Rhodes could only roll his eyes. He gingerly tipped his own glass over, placing it upside down in front of him.

Rogers had lost any pretense of pretending not to be fascinated by the proceedings. His chin was propped up on his hands, eyes darting between the two lawyers like they had degrees in tennis instead of law. Tony went to grab another shot, but Rhodes batted his hand away.

“We’re going to need these, Tones.”

“Then I’m going to need a dessert menu if I have to watch you both act like children.” Tony moved to flag down the waiter again.

“You know,” Rogers had this incredible talent for sounding genuine, while secretly being a complete menace. “Your mother gets a sweet tooth too when she’s stressed.”

“Mention my mom one more time, Rogers, and I will be happy to pick a more interesting competition than drinking.”

Another round of shots went down during the cross table bickering. Rhodes could feel his vision swim for a moment, regretting only having ordered a salad to bolster himself for this endeavor. But when Barnes reached for another glass, he was not about to hesitate to do the same.

The waiter brought another round of shots, as well as some sort of chocolate mint confection for Tony. Rogers lifted his own spoon to steal a bite and was promptly rewarded with Tony’s steak knife bashing it down on the table. “See where I swing this knife the next time you try that,” he threatened, though the effect was lost as he hummed from the flavor of the dessert.

When the second collection of shots had been turned over, Rhodes could feel his whole body swimming. He tried to lift his hand to order more, but ended up dropping his shoulder over Bucky’s. When had he and Rogers switched spots?

“You are insufferable, Rhodes.” He said, punctuating each word. Then he leaned into the embrace, voice dropping to a whisper. “Because you’re such a good lawyer. I can’t stand it.”

For some reason, Rhodes found that very funny. Laughter bubbled out of him and then Bucky was laughing too. His metal shoulder wasn’t as cold as Rhodes expected. “You’re not half bad yourself, Buck.” The metal hand started to flap dismissively, and for some reason, Rhodes couldn’t have that. “No, I mean it! You’re not even a decade into the job but you’ve got, like, the. Uh. Tones, what’d you call it?”

“Call what? The sobriety this dinner has brought me too because our waiter is avoiding us? Because I call that a violation of my eighth amendment rights.” He scraped his spoon along the edge of his dessert dish, failing to grab any more morsels of chocolate.

“No, when I switched to law school.”

“A horrific waste of engineering potential?”

“Tony,” Rhodes was a full grown man and made a point not to whine, but Tony made that effort increasingly more difficult.

Tony sighed, pushing his dish towards Rogers, who lacked the decorum required for this type of establishment and gleefully swiped his finger through the remaining chocolate of the dish. “I said you’ve got the spirit of the law in your heart. That once you had all the book work done, you’d be a great lawyer because you wanted to win cases for the reasons that mattered.”

“Those reasons being protecting your assets, Stark?”

Rhodes waved away Roger’s comment before reaching for Tony’s hand. “Anthony Stark, you are the best friend I am ever going to have. You know that, right?”

Tony rolled his eyes, but squeezed Rhodes’ hand in return. Metal was laid over top of his touch and he turned to see Bucky’s eyes watering too. “You really think I’ve got the heart of the spirit?”

Rhodes nodded, ignoring Tony’s correction of “Spirit of the law, actually.”

“Buck, you are unbearable, even at the best of times. But I swear to you, if we are ever on the same side of a case, it’ll be an honor.” Rhodes could feel tears running down his face, and he couldn’t explain why. Maybe it didn’t matter why, because Bucky was crying too, wrapping his other arm around Rhodes’ shoulders and pulling them together for a tight hug.

“Do you remember who won the drinking contest?” Rogers asked, though he sounded so distant that Rhodes almost couldn’t hear him, too surrounded by this drunk haze of affection.

“I do,” Tony said, because of course he would keep track of that. He kept track of everything. “But none of you will ever get to know.” Because of course he was a stubborn bastard. There was a tug on Rhodes’ arm and he let the hug with Bucky fall away. “Come on, honeybear, you’re going to be really ticked about this when the papers run that photographer’s story about you two as secret lovers tomorrow.”

He didn’t even bother glancing in the direction of the photographer that Tony had gestured towards. “If I had to pick a secret lover, you know it’s you, right?” It felt unbearably important for Tony to know that.

For some reason, Tony found that very funny. “Yes, dear, I know.” Rhodes had such a great best friend.

“How long was there a photographer here?” Rogers asked, sounding less distant now that Rhodes was on his feet.

“She actually followed you two losers up and I decided to see what would happen. Don’t worry about it, Barnes here can always help you sue for libel, right buddy?” Tony clasped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, who slumped forward.

“James, I’ll let you win this one since I won the case today, okay?”

Rhodes nodded. “I’ll let you buy dinner next time when I win the appeal, sound good?”

“In your dreams!” But it wasn’t his usual bluster, interrupted by a hiccup and a giggle. “It’s so funny that we’re both James. It’s like, if one of us wins, we both win, ya know?”

“Yeah!” Rhodes went to go hug him again but Tony pulled him back.

“No, it is not like that. When Rhodey wins, we got out to a restaurant that won't let you two onto the premises. When Barnes wins, I get a headache. Let’s go.”

Tony left a generous stack of bills on the table and guided Rhodes to their ride. He was right, too, that Rhodes would be furious at the papers the next morning. But despite all that anger, when the appeals case started the following month, seeing Barnes across the aisle didn’t feel like such a hassle anymore. They weren’t any less rude to each other, but when Rhodes won the case, it felt like Barnes won a little bit too. And if someone had gone back in time to tell James Rhodes he wouldn’t mind sharing a few drinks with James Barnes, he wouldn’t have believed them, but that wouldn’t make it any less true.


End file.
